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Today marks an important year anniversary for me, and I want to share this with you. I tend to be a very private person by nature, and in accord I’ve kept my situation a secret from all but a few friends and family members. It was never my intention to make this public, but circumstances have changed this for me.
So, here is my story.
In January of 2016, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, terminal stage four, and was given 1 to 3 months to live if I did nothing, and 6 months to live if I did chemo. I had a single tumor in the middle of my pancreas, and multiple tumors that had extensively spread into the Omentum region of the abdomen. The Omentum is a super–highway of blood vessels to all your internal organs, which is a dream come true for cancer cells seeking to spread.
I began chemo in March of 2016. By mid April, I was in the hospital due to the damage caused by a very aggressive combination of four chemo drugs. Unknown to me at the time, I was dying. My body systems were shutting down. My white blood cell count was so low that everyone who came into contact with me had to wear a mask so that I did not get anything harmful from them carried on their breath. My immune system was that suppressed.
On a side note, a week or two before going into the hospital, I had an interesting experience. There is an entity that I work with who is called She of the Thorn-Blooded Rose. She appeared at my bedside, showed me a staff covered with rose thorns, and told me that she was going to “comb out” every tumor in my body with her staff of thorns. I found this a comforting idea, but I was too ill to consider its reality. So I tucked it away for future contemplation.
I was in the hospital for several days, when the doctors informed me that they could not turn things around. This was on the Saturday before Easter Sunday. Ironically, I was in a Catholic hospital, and over my head, on the wall, was a large crucifix with Jesus staring down at me. If you listen very closely, you can hear the gods laughing.
In the hospital, Death came to me in the form of a woman, which was somewhat unsettling (not unsettling that Death was a woman, but that Death was there in my presence). She said to me “I’m not here to take you, but if you need me, I will be here for you”. This didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time, but now I understand her message, and what death is really like, and what our true relationship is with her.
Easter Sunday morning I woke up feeling quite well. I had my first food and drink in 5 days without throwing it up. Prior to that, I was sustained only by an IV drip. My body weight had dropped to 116 pounds.
That Sunday morning the doctors and staff were amazed at my turnaround. They took blood tests, and much to everyone’s surprise, my blood work showed an improvement level three times what it had been the day before. My doctor said if I continued this way throughout the day that he would discharge me on Monday. And that is what happened, and I went home. From May through the rest of the year (2016) I continued with chemo. In August, my CT-Scan showed no traces of cancer anywhere in my body. I was officially free of cancer as of that month.
So, here it is a year later this day on Easter Sunday, the anniversary of a life & death intersection. Not only am I still alive today, my last CT-Scan continued to show no visible traces of any tumors or signs of cancer anywhere in my body. All my blood work is completely normal now. My Oncologist says this is unheard of, and he said that whatever I am doing at home, keep it up! Well, his world reality could never accept what I was and am doing at home, nor that it could have any effect on cancer.
We all know that we will die someday, but I do not think we truly realize it will happen. I know I truly didn’t until it stood next to me with a hand on my shoulder. This has caused me to think a lot about one’s purpose in Life. We all have a purpose in Life, but sometimes it takes something drastic to turn our attention to that truth.
When I was 14 years old, one summer on the shores of Lake Ontario, I had a most curious experience. One day while sitting alone on the shore of the lake, looking out over the vast expanse of water, a breeze moved through my hair and the sound of water lapping the shore caught my full attention. In that moment something “informed” me that I was here in this world to do something important. This was not a thing of ego, but just an awareness that was passed to me from somewhere. The idea of a “life mission” was not particularly attractive to me as a young teen at the time; but I was unable to shake this thing off over the following years of my life.
So, for decades I tried to discover what my purpose was, what I was here to do. Today I realize that I never had any power over what that was to be, trying though I did. This was in the hands of something else. It still is.
I look back over the past year now as a Shamanic journey. I have been transformed by this long walk with Death at my side. And now I want to bring a message to other people who have been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Your doctor will tell you that you are going to die from this, and that you have only such and such an amount of time left. If you believe that, if you accept that, then you will most likely die in accord with her or his words. That’s the bad news. The good news is that this does not have to be the case. You have more choice about that than you realize.
You, as a complete being, are comprised of three things: body, mind and spirit. Your body is naturally designed to heal and to repair itself. It is only one-third of your being, but it is vital in order to remain in physical life. For over a year now, I remind my body everyday about its natural power and functionality. But we must also realize that two-thirds of our being (mind and spirit) is an incredible support system for the body. The power of these three together is no small thing.
So, now I am developing a workshop on communication with the body, mind and spirit for personal healing and transformation. I want to give back for what I have received. What I feel that I can bring to this workshop is personal experience as opposed to metaphysical philosophy alone. Look for this in the coming months.
I hope that my story will help others, perhaps even inspire others.
Be well, and stay well. It’s your natural power.